This is Mimi Clark, one of the presenters at the D.C. VegFest. Her vegan origination story was that twenty years ago or so, she was dancing in a ballet class or something, and felt bogged down by undigested meat that she had eaten a few days before. I’m not sure how she knew meat was the culprit. Presumably she got an X-ray that came back like this:

Horrified that an entire steak had been floating in her stomach for half a week, she went vegetarian and then vegan. She got mixed up with the macrobiotic Kushi Institute (she loves them so much that she wants to retire near them), and through macrobiotics, she developed a mad love of quinoa, a seed that pretends to be a grain.

Never before have I seen such unconditional, and frankly, unrequited, love. Mimi Clark loves quinoa more than anyone else has ever loved any other food. This she made clear in her cooking presentation, which was about the multitude of ways you can use quinoa.

Love is irrational and love is blind, which is the only explanation I have for some of the more fantastical praise she had for this “superfood,” as she called it. “Quinoa is the best form of protein on the planet,” she said early in her presentation. Normally, you might expect to hear a few surprised murmurs and see a few walkouts after a statement that outrageous. Not so at the D.C. VegFest.

Though I doubt most vegans would openly call quinoa the best protein on earth, it’s not that huge a stretch for them to buy it. Animal proteins are out of the running; their fatal levels of saturated fat and cholesterol easily outweigh any high-quality amino acids they may or may not contain. That leaves grains, nuts and beans. Most vegans would think of soy or refined wheat if they were going to nominate a protein for the highest possible honor. But quinoa still fits reasonably within their nutritional beliefs.

Here she is in the audience of her own presentation. That’s how much she loves quinoa!

Mimi told us about her vegan-from-birth daughter, who just started college. “Recently she called me and said the words that all parents dread,” Mimi said. “Mom, I tried a cheese pizza.” She knows that her daughter would never eat meat, though. “She is experimenting with animal products, but eventually she’ll be back.”

Her daughter gets sick at college sometimes, which her mom attributes to these experiments with cheese and milk. If only she took after her mother and ate quinoa in some form every single day.

Mimi writes letters to Oprah, imploring her to recommend quinoa as a cure for world hunger. So far they have gone unanswered.

A hopeful sign is that “Quinoa has been spotted in some conventional grocery stores.” And recently she saw an ad for a new quinoa product, Quinoa Gold, a quinoa-based drink. “I thought to myself, ‘Wouldn’t it be great if they put Quinoa Gold in IVs?’” she said. “It would really bump up the protein content.” Again, no walkouts.

One vegan blogger called her presentation “a really informative session on quinoa.” I call it foolishness. I hope that steak is still floating in Mimi’s stomach, providing her with vital sustenance like a time release capsule of protein. Just in case quinoa doesn’t live up to the hype.