A while back, a vegan emailed me to say that she didn’t hate my blog. In fact, given that she had a big problem with what she called the 90 percent of vegans who make veganism look bad, she kind of liked it. She seemed almost as annoyed with vegan foibles as some omnivores can be, but the source of her angst was different; she thinks veganism is too important to be besmirched by the type of vegans I like to quote on this site.

After I did a few interviews with ex-vegans, readers suggested that an interview with a current vegan might help give some semblance of balance on the site. When Invidia emailed, it seemed appropriate for my first vegan interview to be with an anti-vegan vegan of sorts.

“Of sorts,” because, despite her wanting to punch, pummel or otherwise damage 90 percent of the vegans in the world, she is no less passionate than the average vegan. She just happens to think that a lot of vegans are obnoxious.

My cynicism regarding the long-term viability of the vegan diet makes me think that just about any vegan I interview could eventually sit down with me for a follow-up ex-vegan interview. (Unless they happen to be a vegan leader with a legacy to protect.) So does that mean that I will one day be posting “Interview With An Ex-Vegan: Invidia Tempestarri”?

I honestly don’t think so.

But don’t worry, she hasn’t tempered my skepticism. As you’ll see right away, there are very good reasons to believe that Invidia actually will be vegan for life.

Let Them Eat Meat: In your initial email to me, you mentioned being allergic to meat. Which ones? Is it the meat itself, or something in it, like antibiotics?

Invidia Tempestarii: All of them. Not just all meat, but all animal products. Nobody’s been able to figure it out but chances are I can’t handle animal protein. Antibiotics are no problem, same goes with just about every insane additive in the world… as long as they’re vegan, of course.

Pasture-raised won’t help you, then?

Meat where I live isn’t allowed to be as hormone-stuffed as other places and most meat here is in fact mostly pasture raised, and it still is out to kill me, so nope, definitely not.

Where do you live?

I live in Norway, far away from the coastline and at an “I can see mountains from my house” sort of altitude.

Excited for winter?

I’ve had snow for over a month already, and it’s gonna stay until May. Fuck you.

So the allergy drove you to veganism?

At first it was my allergy, yes, although I did think I’d probably end up vegan sooner or later. Then I realized that not only did I feel a hell of a lot better physically as a vegan, the whole animal rights/food crisis/global warming thing made me feel a lot better about myself too. I do, however, realize that I’m nothing but a drop in the ocean, but hey, I grew up thinking that a community can do anything, so I’m going to stick to that.

When other vegans hear that you are allergic to animal products, are they jealous?

Nope. They tend to wish that I could give my allergy to everyone, though.

That would definitely be an effective conversion technique. Though I’m not sure if they would really want a world of these unwilling vegan automatons. In the same way, doesn’t your allergy arguably make you a Clockwork Orange of a vegan? Are you concerned that vegans might think your veganism is less legit because you couldn’t eat animals even if you wanted to?

Not really (although I love A Clockwork Orange and could possibly take it as a compliment). When I agree to the general vegan “dogma” of “Save the world and animals and your body and stuff” I don’t see why they should have a valid argument.

How long have you been vegan?

Two years, I’d say.

Did you start off as a vegetarian first?

Yep. To be very precise: At about eleven years old I quit all red meats (including pork) for good, a couple of years later I went vegetarian and then another year or two passed before I ended up vegan. This progression was pretty natural as I slowly figured out that the more I managed to cut the better I felt, and I did also grow into a ton of allergies. (And out of a ton of others. Weird.)

It almost sounds like your allergies were evolving to ban the foods you wanted to stop eating anyway. Aspiring vegans with no willpower should be so lucky. Did you have allergic reactions to meat before you realized you were allergic?

I did actually experience increasingly severe allergic reactions before I started on my journey towards vegan. They started out mild when I was a kid and got worse as the years went by. As far as allergic reactions go, I get ALL of them. If I eat any animal products, my entire body swells. I also get rashes, runny eyes and headaches. I turn pretty aggressive and have all the symptoms of food poisoning. Of course, having a fully swollen body involves some pretty funky “Help, my blood is itching!” moments, asthma attacks and arythmia… and this is what I know from ingesting miniscule amounts of animal products. I have no idea what would happen if I went ahead and ate a cow.

That is perhaps the most airtight argument for veganism I have ever heard. What do you think is the second strongest argument for veganism?

To me, the food crisis is the biggest/clearest reason. You can argue with animal rights and global warming and health and whatnot but you can’t argue with the fact that meat takes up a LOT of land. (No matter how crammed those cages and farms are…)

Is veganism always better for the environment than an omnivorous diet? For instance, what is tougher on the earth: eating a TVP burger covered in Daiya analog cheese, or hunting a deer?

Oh hell no. Those insane processed soy products shipped around the world 14 times and stuffed with things that’ll kill you and whatever lives in your sink aren’t good. That being said, even locally made non-vegan food can get a good round trip. To use my own country as an example: We ship fish from the furthest northern regions to CHINA before shipping it back to the same town and selling it. This is true for MOST foods, especially within the European Union. Most food has traveled too far, so environmentally speaking, that deer is a good bet. Not so good if you disturb the balance of that area by hunting, though.

You mentioned in your email that you wear leather and wool and eat the occasional beeswax-coated candy. Do other vegans give you grief for being merely a “dietary vegan”?

I once told another vegan that if he dared to speak badly of my shoes I’d kick him in the groin with them, but other than that I’ve been safe. That being said, I don’t wear animal products I don’t need. If I were to stumble around in negative 20 degrees Celsius without proper shoes and clothes it would be a pretty major health risk and I can’t save the world when I’m DEAD. As for the beeswax, most vegans who comment on that can be told off because most of them eat something way worse that they don’t know about. I’m pretty sure that’s because most of us are sinners one way or another, and I dare say that dietary speaking I’m a LOT stricter than most.

Have you experienced social alienation as a result of that strictness?

I am SO tired of vegans acting all isolated for some reason, or whining about it. There’s absolutely no reason to be all that isolated as a vegan. All you have to do is learn to live with not eating regularly, not whine at fancy restaurants and not preach at people who really don’t want to know. I have a rule for myself when it comes to that, I don’t mention vegan stuff unless people ask. I’ve never felt alienated, rather the opposite. I’m frequently asked to cook, and most people I know (and their parents) see it as a fun challenge to feed me even if I insist I can live just fine on nuts and berries.

Does anything else bother you about your fellow animal abstainers?

The holierthanthou attitude, the I’malreadydoingenoughIdon’thavetocareaboutanythingelse attitude, the whining about not finding food, the rude comments about other people being emotionless barbarians, the DISGUSTING SOY CHEESE that people BUY anyway, the fact that they make everyone think I can only eat spinach and carrot smoothies, the people who use veganism to cover up their eating disorders, the vegans who think less of other vegans, the complete denial to anything and anyone saying that even the tiniest part of what they say might be wrong…

What do you do about being aligned with a group that you don’t much like?

I set a better example, explain things to people and growl annoyedly at people who just don’t get it. I might have a pet peeve for a lot of vegans, but there’s an even larger percentage of meat eaters that I could see myself wanting to throw to the pigs. Not that I’m not fully capable of being civilized and sweet toward all of them, of course, until they start being stupid…

In what ways can omnivores be stupid?

They have the largest body of nonsensical arguments ever, they don’t think about what they’re eating, they may lack compassion, they desperately try to defend themselves by attacking veg*ans… but of course, this doesn’t hold up for all omnivores. It’s just that annoying people are so much more visible than nice ones.

Most vegans believe that they will never stop being vegan. But then most of them do stop eventually. In your case, it sounds like you have a special incentive for staying vegan (living). Still, you were once non-vegan, and it sounds like your allergies like to surprise you, so it’s theoretically possible for you to not be vegan again, right? Do you think you’ll be vegan for as long as you live?

If there was no “I don’t want to die, please” involved, I would probably let myself have a couple of days a year to pig out on non-vegan foods if I so wanted at the time. (I don’t, currently, though.) I think that would be a better solution than abandoning veganism altogether. So yes, even if they cure me, I’ll probably stay vegan for life with the exceptions of… towel day and thanksgiving or something.

Sub-zero Norwegian Thanksgiving, I hope. Will the future be more vegan or less vegan?

For myself, definitely more, because I’ll be moving into vegan collectives and such. (I know tons of cool vegans and vegetarians myself, and most of us agree on the fact that there are tons and tons of other vegans giving us a bad name.) For the world in general, also more vegan, I hope, for its own sake.

Any suggestions for this blog?

I think you should invite vegans with opposing views on something to write a short article each and then watch the flame war in the comments field… Or start posting pictures of really disgusting vegan food, that’s always fun. Lamest vegan substitute food of ‘09?

Brilliant. I’m on it!