Can anybody be vegan if they care enough, live in an industrialized country with supplements and substitutions, and do everything they can think of to stay healthy? Many vegans would say “yes,” but what about star-crossed veg*ans? Should people with allergies to vegan staples like gluten, soy and nuts get a pass for guilt-free animal product consumption? Does an inability to digest beans grant you immunity for murder? Or are the rules of veganism absolute, making it wrong to participate in animal suffering no matter what?

Amy Madden’s blog The Veggie Patch was about being a near-vegan while afflicted with Irritable Bowel Syndrome, soy intolerance and (self-diagnosed) fructose malabsorption, conditions that rendered most vegan foods off-limits. If Amy could pull off veg*anism, almost anybody could.

But she couldn’t.

How long were you vegetarian?

Just over three years.

Did you have to consider any medical conditions before going vegetarian?

I had a lifelong history of stomach problems and had been diagnosed with Irritable Bowel Syndrome before I went vegetarian. The first thing my GP said to me when I told him about my decision to go vegetarian was that it would be interesting to see what it did to my digestion.

I was hoping things would get better for me, rather than worse. And while I knew about my intolerance to fruits and fruit juices, I hadn’t yet stumbled upon anything about fructose malabsorption so it wasn’t a part of the decision. 

Your fructmal hadn’t been diagnosed yet?

I still haven’t been formally diagnosed with fructose malabsorption. What I have known for years is that even small amounts of fruit upset my stomach. When I looked into it further, I realized that a lot of the other foods I had trouble with were also on the do-not-eat list for fructose malabsorption.

I do hope to get tested properly one day, but it is expensive and can be somewhat inconclusive for some people, so for now it’s more about avoiding what I know makes me feel most unwell.

What did you get out of vegetarianism? Was it mainly a way to avoid the guilt you felt about eating meat after learning about factory farming?  

I have always loved animals. It never mattered if the animal was one that I knew or not — if it was hurt or injured or I perceived it to be unloved or mistreated in any way, then I would feel a sad, hollow feeling and want to help it.

When I was young, like most people, I didn’t think about where the meat on my plate came from. It wasn’t until about four years ago that I actually looked into it. I found a link for Meet Your Meat, managed to get through the first two minutes and knew then that I just couldn’t continue to let animals suffer in that way for my dietary preferences.

Were you ever an aspiring vegan?  

Definitely. About six months into my vegetarianism I learned about the cruelty involved with eggs. I had never been a big egg eater so it really wasn’t an issue to cut those out of my diet. Deep down I knew I could never be vegan, though, as dairy was one of the few foods I could tolerate in any kind of quantity. I am aware, however, of the cruelties involved in the dairy industry and it was a struggle. I would use rice or almond milk as often as I could to replace dairy milk, and nut creams to replace cream.

What vegan foods can’t you eat? 

Despite all of my allergies and intolerances I have not had any formal testing done. Allergy testing in Australia is expensive and the medical community does not believe in intolerance testing in any form other than through elimination diets. I have followed a few of these in my lifetime but have never had any conclusive results. There are certain foods, though, that definitely make me feel violently ill. Soy is the main problem.

I knew going into my vegetarianism that I was, at the very least, soy intolerant. Half a glass of soy milk is too much for my system to handle and just a few pieces of tofu will upset my stomach for hours. Any more than that is a recipe for disaster.

Likewise with legumes. I tolerate some more than others. I was restricted to one-fourth cup per meal of red split lentils, black turtle beans and cannellini beans. I can’t have more than one-eighth cup of any other types, and even then I have to be having a good day to tolerate them at all. Chickpeas are off-limits altogether. The pain they cause my insides is indescribable. Sadly peanuts are a legume and are also generally off the list (although I often indulge in peanut butter and regret it later).

Add to these, fruit. When I say fruit, I mean almost all fruit. I do okay with a small amount of applesauce in baking but even five strawberries in a smoothie will upset my stomach for hours, sometimes days. Different fruits cause different reactions, but I’ve yet to find one where I can actually eat an entire piece and be okay. Certain vegetables are also a problem for me. Cauliflower, Brussels sprouts and cabbage aren’t tolerated at all. Others I have to limit. I can eat small amounts, but like legumes, only once a week and only if I am well beforehand. Eggplant and celeriac are two that I have issues with in particular. Fibrous greens are another. I can eat some, but not large quantities.

Too much dairy will also give me issues. I can have a cup of milk and be fine, and some days I can have two, but for the most part two is beyond my limit.

Last but not least, certain grains aren’t tolerated well. Oats in particular I really can’t eat at all, and I have to limit whole grains. I eat as many as I can, but two pieces of wholemeal bread is roughly my daily limit.

I was intolerant to almost everything I was able to eat within vegetarian guidelines.

With all those problem foods, what were some typical meals for you?

At first I was very experimental. I did cook beans and lentils etc. But as they caused more and more pain for me I slowly started drifting away from them. Towards the end, most nights were literally “meat” and potatoes. I would have some kind of seitan (seitan sausage, or cutlet that had been marinated or a seitan/potato/white bean burger pattie) with vegetables. Most often white or sweet potato, steamed broccoli and either carrot or spinach. Very plain and very boring. I started to eat a lot of potato meals too. I would use Indian spices to jazz them up. Couscous also played a large part in things. 

I tried to give myself some variety by adding paneer, but it couldn’t be a regular thing because it has a very high fat content and eating that much cheese every day wouldn’t be a good thing!

You were a star-crossed vegetarian. As one of the commenters on your post about leaving vegetarianism said, sometimes your body doesn’t go along with what your mind wants. Why do some people fight fate and go veg*an despite the near impossibility of it for them?

For me it was always about the animals. I was uncomfortable with the fact that they are bred to die. Not just in factory farms — we have fewer of those here in Australia than they do in the States — but the whole idea of slaughterhouses just made me want to cry. The thoughts and fears that must go through their heads as they walk to their death is unimaginable.

For me, preventing the suffering of them was far more important to me than my food intolerances, and for a while, my own health. I think for most who battle on with it, it is because their vegetarianism stems from compassion for animals rather than for health or environmental reasons.

Did the odds against your vegetarianism make your ability to maintain it more satisfying in a way?

I wish I could say yes to this question, but no. I found it all very frustrating and difficult and I wavered a few times about a my decision to remain vegetarian.

My husband and children are all omnivores and because all vegetarian convenience products here contain soy, I was left cooking everything from scratch. I would spend hours in the kitchen making seitan from scratch and veggie burgers without too many beans or whole grains. Then come dinnertime I would have to cook one meal for me and one meal for the rest of the family who all refused to eat vegetarian food. It was truly exhausting.

Have you heard from people with other conditions that make veg*anism almost impossible for them? 

I actually only ever heard from one person with fructose malabsorption who was vegetarian and I know that she gave up her vegetarianism as the fructose friendly diet is quite heavy in meats and non-wheat grains while being light in vegetables and fruits.

How would you have reacted if someone had told you before your breaking point that you shouldn’t be vegetarian with all those restrictions, that you should look out for yourself first and eat meat?

A couple of people actually had suggested to me that I was not doing the right thing for my body. I don’t think I reacted badly but it wasn’t what I wanted to hear. Mostly their queries were met with silence because I knew deep down that it was plausible that they were correct, but I didn’t want to admit it to them or myself.

What was your breaking point when you realized you couldn’t go on as a vegetarian?

About six months ago. I was suffering depression, anaemia (which has been a lifelong issue for me and nothing to do with the vegetarianism, however it did add to my overall health issues), I was tired constantly and I really felt as though I was lacking essential vitamins and minerals in my diet. I had a general feeling of something being missing and of needing more nourishment. 

I had blood work come back from the doctor that showed I was anaemic, and that my cholesterol was rising despite being a young female on a vegetarian diet; I am not overweight and I’d never had cholesterol problems in my life. I felt like I was bordering on malnutrition (which I have suffered from before, so am aware of the symptoms).

How did you know meat would help?

I didn’t know for sure that it would. It originally started as me just feeling as though I needed more food options. I introduced fish into my diet for a few weeks and felt a little better but not a lot so I added chicken. I decided to give it a three-month trial and re-assess how I felt at the end. If I didn’t feel any better I would return to my vegetarian diet, but if it helped, I would stick with it. And it did help.

You noticed improvements after eating meat again?

Much to my dismay, yes. I’m still tired a lot, but I no longer feel as though I’m lacking in essential vitamins and minerals. I haven’t yet had my yearly blood test to check for sure how all my levels are but from the way I’m feeling I’m sure there will be an improvement.

I haven’t ruled out vegetarianism forever. America has many vegetarian and vegan food options that aren’t available in Australia yet; maybe it will eventually be easier here. Or maybe one day I will learn exactly what my condition is and vegetarianism will become a diet I can follow while remaining healthy.

Most vegans allow an exception to the not killing animals rule when it comes to self-defense or immediate survival. Your condition is in that territory but since you were able to survive for a time as a vegetarian, that indicates that being veg*an is at least somewhat doable for you. Do you think you can claim the survival exception on this one, or is there an argument that you should have suffered on as a vegetarian for the animals?

I think I had actually moved beyond suffering to a point where I was going to become seriously ill if I didn’t change my diet. While I was eating enough calories in a day to not lose weight, I certainly wasn’t thriving. As I mentioned above, my cholesterol had doubled, my iron stores were non-existent and my blood pressure was that of a dead person’s (according to my GP). So I guess my answer to that would be yes, I can claim survival on this one, although I don’t know that I’d ever phrase it like that myself.  

Veganism argues that animal product consumption is wrong in an absolute sense, so individual conditions can’t affect this. There are no health excuses that make it justifiable to murder a human, after all. What does it say about veganism, then, that some people just cannot be vegan? Is the philosophy flawed in some way? Is the wrongness of inflicting animal suffering and death not as absolute as veganism would have us believe?

This of course can only be my opinion on the matter. Yes it is never justifiable to murder a human, however, if you look at evolution, for the most part humans have had to kill animals in order to survive. I hate to use the “food chain argument,” but it is true that for many, many years humans have hunted animals for food. Animals themselves don’t give it a second thought to hunt and eat each other — they do what they have to — and for those of us with food allergies and intolerances I believe that it is also a matter of doing what we have to in order to survive.  

Yes, I suppose the vegan philosophy is a little flawed, again though, this is just my opinion, derived from my experience as a vegetarian, and I’m sure there are many out there who will think that my beliefs are flawed. Having a family of meat eaters and continuing to purchase and cook meat for them meant that I never really stopped seeing meat as food. I stopped seeing it as an option for me but I always held strong to the belief that people were entitled to choose what it was that they put into their bodies.

For me it is ultimately not about the death of the animal, but the life they have beforehand and the way in which they are killed (I always believed more in welfarism than abolitionism). I would invite any vegan who takes issue with those of us who cannot be vegan for health reasons to attempt a vegan diet with the restrictions that some of us have to live with and see if they can remain healthy for any length of time.

Should vegans be more lenient and make a point of granting exceptions to people who have conditions that make it incredibly difficult to thrive without animal products?  

I will go out on a limb, generalize and loosely say yes. For a lot of people who don’t have food intolerances or allergies, it can be hard to understand just how difficult it is to feel well while eating the bare essentials. Food is definitely something that most people take a little for granted.

However, I have found that while there are vegans who hate and condemn people for their dietary choices, there are far more who are understanding and supportive. I have numerous vegan friends I made while blogging and they have been nothing but 100 percent supportive. I thought I would be sent at least a couple of nasty messages or comments but it didn’t happen.

Many ex-vegans say they didn’t thrive on a vegan diet, even though they don’t have conditions as restrictive as yours. But without the excuse of multiple intolerances, should they have tried harder? Or is health a good enough reason even when they have more choices than you did?

Again, I know there are people out there who think the health angle is a cop-out. Even with less restrictions than I had, a person has to really want it in order to succeed with it. Being vegetarian is tough, particularly in countries where the options available are limited. For example, in Australia we don’t even get all the vegetables available overseas. Spaghetti squash doesn’t exist where I live, neither do collard greens or kale.

For some they try their best, for others I guess it’s a phase and they find it all too much work and effort. I suppose the people who gave it up out of laziness rather than for actual health reasons could have tried harder.  

I don’t believe, though, that people who did their best should have tried harder. I believe (again) that they have the right to do what works for them and if that means eating meat, well hopefully they will have at least learned enough during their vegetarian journey to make more informed decisions about their food.

Do you feel guilty about eating meat?

Definitely. I struggle with it. The majority of the meat I currently eat is hidden and I still prefer vegetarian meals. I haven’t really revised my ethics so much as try to repress them. I am trying desperately to pretend that I don’t know where the food on my plate has come from but it’s hard and I don’t know that I will ever be comfortable sitting down to a steak or a chunk of meat.

Do you enjoy meat at all, or just see it as an unfortunate necessity?  

I do occasionally eat something that I enjoy. I enjoy mince a little at the moment, I think because the texture of it is very similar to the seitan that I used to make, and I will enjoy the occasional bit of chicken. For the most part, though, it’s still an unfortunate necessity at this point.

How does your husband (“Mr. Un-Veg” on your blog) feel about your dietary change?  

Mr. Un-Veg is quite happy with my dietary change. For the last two years, cooking his meal often entailed throwing a chunk of meat or chicken onto one of those electric grills until it resembled a rubber shoe sole and serving it up with vegetables on the side. Now that I’m eating meat again, I’m back to cooking more exciting meat-based meals and I haven’t once brought the electric grill out of the cupboard, so his belly is happy again.

Does he call you Mrs. Un-Veg now?

He does occasionally joke and call me Mrs. Un-Veg, but he also knows how much my vegetarianism meant to me and how hard it was for me to give it up. He has always backed me, both when I went vegetarian and during my transition back.